Archive for May 18, 2008

So, trust is essential, right?

{ May 18, 2008 @ 10:20 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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So…here I am three and a half years after I opened that e-mail….I am planning my wedding….my marriage to the love of my life. This is supposed to be good, right? This is supposed to be what my ultimate goals was…I go back and forth with this everyday. Do I trust him? Does he really love me? Why me? After all these years and all those women he has been with, why did he choose me? He’s been with models and an internet porn star for crying out loud….why did he choose me? Me…with all my baggage…a stupid ex-husband, 3 children that he has to help me raise, financial issues from the divorce….more bills than he has ever known in his 30 years of life and a plain looking woman to stand by his side….a woman with scars from childbirth, who looks nothing like the girl he remembers from high school….

Ok…i know. I need to get over all this before I make a lifelong commitment to this guy…I just don’t know what it is that isn’t sitting right. Ok…this is me convincing myself that I am overreacting…..he’s with me because he loves me and if he didn’t we wouldn’t be spending all this money and time planning a wedding. He loves me.

What do you do?

{ May 18, 2008 @ 8:31 am } · { Uncategorized }
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He was my first love and the love of my life. we met 15 years ago…he told me he loved me…whether or not he meant it then, I loved him. and of course, our teenage relationship was short lived, and I was crushed, but I carried on and so did he. He traveled, joined the army, did his fair share of “living it up” and me…well, I went to school, got married, and had 3 children. In this process, I lost my identity. I stopped hanging out with my friends, I stopped drawing and painting, I stopped calling my family, and I became a frumpy shut in. I was barely 25 years old.

One day though, an e-mail from my long lost love came through on a networking site. “Call me sometime. Let’s catch up. I’m glad to see you’re doing great for yourself.” I froze and my ears turned red. what do i do? Do I e-mail him back? i’m married. Granted I am not happily married…this is the love of my life…this is the man I thought of everyday since I was 15 years old. This is the man that I dreamt would rescue me from this miserable path I had chosen to walk. He’s here, now…..what do I do?